Only Dreams?
by Knight of Yaru
Summary: A series of one shots revolving around an interpretation of the plot of FE14, unique Avatar insert. Rating pending (T/M).


Well, guess who's back after I don't know how long.  
 _You expected the author of the other stories, but it is me, **Dio**!_

...On a more serious note, yeah, I'm back. Hopefully with some improvements.  
Can't promise anything, though.

And with me are my slav- I mean assistants!

 **Rem:** It's nice to see you.  
 **Chris:** Good to be back!

Yeah, whatever. We shall leave the banter for later.

So this basically is going to be snippets of a pretty complicated story based on FE14.  
 **Rem:** Because her story planning isn't that great.  
Shut it.

Also I'm not sure if knowledge of more than the basic plot will be necessary, since I do try to write as many unique storylines as possible.  
And it starts of with angst, because angst.  
 **Chris:** Uh, shouldn't we mention stuff like you using the Japanese names and your own Avatar for that?

Oh yeah.  
My avatar Yarumi. You'll get to know her a bit if you follow this story.  
Hopefully.

Anyway, let's go on with some ship related angst.  
Sorry 'bout that, Tsubaki.

* * *

 _Just a dream._  
 _That's what he thought it was._  
 _What he hoped it was._  
 _Just a dream._

 **...~~~...~~~...**

The first time it happened, he snapped awake, bathed in sweat, his heart racing – him not remembering anything of the dream.  
Brushing it off, he tried to go back to sleep.  
To no avail; he wouldn't close an eye until sunrise, making his tries to keep up his demeanor very exhausting.

 **...~~~...~~~...**

When it happened again, he had long forgotten about it, even though it was only a week ago or two.  
What stayed in his memory was a face.

 _It hasn't been too long since he met her; she was nice, caring, and trying her best to keep everyone alive, but also somewhat distant._

It was odd though.  
Was there something he didn't notice about her?  
Something he didn't pay attention to?  
Or was there another reason for his lady's elder sister to appear in his dream?  
He brushed it off.  
Didn't someone say that you dream of what happened that day? Lately she often was busy fretting over him due to his habits, so it seemed plausible.

He still was angry at himself for failing to keep his composure, which caused her fretting in first place.

 **...~~~...~~~...**

It started happening more frequently, always the same dream. He remembered more each time.

 _Her face looks really peaceful.  
_ It's irritating.

 _Her eyes are closed._  
Why is he dreaming of her?

 _She is smiling._  
The dreams got more and more of his attention.

 _She is asleep.  
_ He keeps thinking about them whenever he has nothing to do.

 _Someone is holding her.  
_ It's irritating him. The more he remembers, the more questions arise.  
Who is this person, and why are the holding her in their arms? His mood gradually grows sour as he thinks of it.  
He could talk to her since she offered him to listen to and help him in case he needs her help, but he decided not to.

It's only a dream, after all.

He hated to admit, but part of him also though that he'd creep her out if he did. No matter how embarrassing her fretting is should people find out about it, he doesn't want to lose her friendship.  
Being around her is… comforting. Calming.

 _Something isn't right._  
But what is it? He couldn't make it out.

 _Drops of sweat were running down her face._  
There has to be some clue.

 _Another person was there as well._  
He didn't know her, but she seemed familiar.

 _The ground was wet._  
People don't **smile** when they sleep, at least not as much as she did.

 _Holding her, his hands were wet as well._  
A grim realization over him, he ignored it, trying to keep himself from thinking about it.

 _The armour covering her abdomen was broken, the white fabric below torn and dyed deep red.  
_ He hated to admit it; he was scared. This dream, it didn't feel like one.  
It felt real.  
He could still feel her blood sticking to his hands.  
He could still see her smiling face as all life left her body.  
He could still remember how he _failed protecting her._

No matter what, these images were imprinted into his memories.

 **...~~~...~~~...**

"Tsubaki-san?"  
Snapping out of his haze, he forced a smile on his face, keeping himself from pulling her close to him when he noticed who this was.

"Yarumi-sama, how are you~? Did you need something from me~?"  
He hoped that she wouldn't notice the bile in his throat which made speaking difficult.

Her chuckling voice felt like an icy dagger piercing his heart.  
"I'm fine, thanks."  
He felt a wave of dizziness wash over him.  
She was alive.  
She was fine.  
She stood before him, her living, breathing, usual self.  
"But, are you alright?"  
He snapped out of his thoughts; his mind has been trailing off again.  
"You weren't like usual for some time. It got me a bit worried."  
Chills ran down his spine; was it really that obvious?  
Was he really that pathetic when it came to acting?

Quickly walking up to him, the woman stood on her toes to even out the height difference, reaching out to put her hand onto his forehead.  
"You're not ill, are you?"

He chuckles, amused by her usual doting behaviour, but backs off slightly.  
"I'm fine, I'm fine~"

Letting out a sigh, her face took on a serious and slightly hurt expression.  
She just kept staring at him, showing no intent of stopping anytime soon.

Unable to withstand her gaze for long, he sat down on a bench behind him, his whole façade breaking down at once as he buried his face in his hands.  
He was angry at his weakness; now there's no going back, that's for sure.

"I'm… not sleeping that well lately."

"Why?"

Silence.  
He noticed her sitting down next to him, placing her arm over his shoulders. Gently turning his face towards her, she gave him a warm, reassuring smile that reminded him of her mother.

He hunched over as if someone punched him in the abdomen; the imagery from his dream reappearing before his inner eye.  
He shook his head vehemently as he felt tears welling up in his eyes, trying to get rid of that picture. Trying to forget himself holding her lifeless body, her blood pooling around his knees and lower legs, soaking through his pants.  
Burying his face in his hands, he noticed the tears falling from his eyes.  
 _Just how pathetic is he?_  
He failed to protect her.  
He failed to do his work properly.  
He failed to keep his composure.  
Right now, he just felt like one big failure.

It took him some time to realize she had moved him and was hugging him, her right hand gently rubbing his back, muttering something inaudible to soothe him somehow.

Honestly, he didn't care what she was saying. Simply the reminder that she still was there, alive and breathing, was enough for him.

After he had calmed down, she pulled away, giving him a reassuring smile while he turned his head so that she wouldn't see his red face.  
"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head.

As she was about to respond to it, he spoke up.

"I don't want to, but… Unless I do, it won't get any better. I know that much."  
He sighed, looking at her, this time a weak, but honest smile on his face.

Adverting his gaze once more, he gulped, hesitant to speak up.  
Just… how should he best start explaining?  
Not knowing what to say, he nervously started biting his lip.

"You said you couldn't sleep well…"  
She seemed to have noticed his inner struggle.  
"Why is that so?"

He silently thanked her for asking that question; just answering a question was much easier than having to talk about.  
"Nightmares."  
She gave him a puzzled look. While it seemed the most logic thing, he didn't seem like a person to be fazed by just that.

"What about them?"

He gulped.  
"For once… it's always the same dream. But…" He trailed off.

"But?"

"It doesn't really feel like a dream. They feel real. _Too real_."  
He stopped talking for a bit, leaving both in silence for some time.

"Do you… What happens in it?"  
He froze. How should he tell her _that_?  
True, they have become very dear friends over time but… No matter what, this would make things incredibly awkward.

Gulping, he let out a shaky sigh.  
"I… S-somebody important d-died."  
She froze at this.  
"It was my fault."  
Gulping, she put her hand on his back in a hopefully soothing manner. That scenario seemed familiar to her.  
"I should have stayed with her."  
He was shaking.

But it couldn't be true, right?

"I had a bad feeling about leaving. Why… didn't I listen?"  
His fingers dug into the fabric of his pants.

It couldn't be, right?

"If I had just stayed, she'd still be alive."  
Tears started falling from his eyes.

He wouldn't…

"…You didn't need to die…"  
As soon as the barely audible words escaped, he froze.  
Did he just…  
His face felt like it was on fire; his red cheeks almost matching Hinoka's hair.

Exhaling softly, she smiled at him once more.  
"It's kinda embarrassing, but… I'm happy you worry that much about me."  
His blush paling a bit, he was getting a bit less embarrassed.  
"But you don't need to. The me from your dream and the me I am now aren't the same."  
Surprised, he looked up at her.  
"Unlike her, I won't let myself get killed on accident."  
Thinking about it, she did seem different from in the dream. Less impulsive, more rational.  
"So don't worry. It won't happen again."

 **...~~~...~~~...**

 _Everything slowed down before his eyes. How she forcefully moved the blonde out of the way, how the enemy's lance pierced through her abdomen, how the blonde killed the attacker._

 _Rushing to her side, he watched as the blonde removed the spear from her body, trying to tend to her wound.  
"I'll take care of it! Go get something to help her!"  
His voice sounded foreign to him._

" _Tsu…baki?" Her voice was weak._

" _Please, stay quiet. Save your energy until Crimson gets back with medicine."_

" _I doubt… that I'll live to see that…"_

" _Please,_ _ **please**_ _don't say that! I-I couldn't…!"_

" _Tsubaki…"_

 _Tears were falling from his eyes.  
"…please… I… couldn't live without you…"  
Her hand reached out to his face, cupping his cheek and brushing some tears away.  
"…please… I… I love you…"_

 _The small motions of her hand stopped, a smile growing on her face.  
"I… love you… too… but…"  
Tears welled up in her eyes as well and he noticed how, with every time her eyes closed, they opened to a lesser extent._

"… _please…"_

 _He barely heard her voice.  
"…I…'m… sor..ry…"_

 _Her hand dropped to her side, her eyes barely open.  
Checking her neck, he found no pulse. She wasn't breathing either.  
Dead._

Snapping out of the dream, he found himself breathing heavily, covered in sweat, but for some reason, he felt relieved, as if it finally was over.

Only one word stayed in his mind after he woke up.  
Love.  
He silently cursed himself for being so stupid, so dense. Anyone else probably would've long noticed. He loved her. Still does.  
But how to tell her?

As he was thinking about this, he remembered something she said.  
She wouldn't make promises unless she knows she can keep them, ruling out his original assumption.

"A…gain?"

* * *

...Is it just me, or do I suck at angst?  
Is this even angst?

I don't know.  
Uh... so what did you think?  
Yay? Nay?

I wouldn't mind some opinions and/or (if possible) constructive criticism.


End file.
